Random Thoughts > Orson Wells
I am no stranger to living with anxiety and panic attacks.
It has been something I’ve had to deal with my entire life. I don’t know if it started out as a confidence issue, or if I was afraid of consequences, but I would always “hem and haw” and get nervous about things.
I remember when I was little and the movie “The Day After” came out. For those of you that haven’t seen it, it was about nuclear war. It was a tv movie shown on Sunday night on ABC in 1983. I lost countless nights worrying about a nuclear war after that – and still have nightmares. One day while in grade school, the teachers wanted to take a break from the students (and who wouldn’t – we were little goblins) and showed a documentary on Nostradamus (“The Man Who Saw Tomorrow“) – you know the one with Orson Wells, all bearded out. Of course, discussions of the a third world war came about. Yeah, nervous stomach, hampered breathing – the usual. I just recently got the nerves up again to watch it – still gave me chills.
Oh the panic attacks – how awesome are those? I love completely freaking out and having to get outside to walk around because the walls are closing in on you – or wanting to get outside to “drive” with no particular destination, A few years back, during an unemployment period, there was a few feet of snow on the ground, roads were closed, and I started overthinking. This compounded itself and soon I was shallow breathing, sweating, and walking around outside trying to get air. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying for some odd reason. In the functioning part of my brain, I thought “Oh, so this is how I’m going to go? I would have thought it was something a little more ironic…”
But that soon passed. It wasn’t too long afterwards that I went to see a doctor. I was tired. It took a few different attempts to get the right medications, but things are so much better now. I’m not tripping over words as much, I’m not walking around outside in the middle of the night, and I’m not crying for no good reason (Sarah Mclachlan pet videos not withstanding – seriously, why don’t the play those videos on large screens on the front lines of combat? If you’re not tearing up, you have no soul and should be taken out).
That’s all I have for today – I have to get back to work.