Tag Archive: rant

Maybe Next Time

I really hate it when you have an interview set up, do your homework on said company, their history, practices, safety records, company culture, etc and two hours before the interview they call and let you know they need to reschedule.  You seem a little put off as this isn’t exactly normal, but they assure you that they are still interested in talking with you.

You accept this, and send your resume, references, and an e-mail to the hiring person stating that you are looking forward to meeting with them about the potential opportunity.

Then a week passes.  You call into the person you spoke with earlier hoping to jog their memory.  No – you end up with their voice mail…again.

Another week passes and by this time, you know that they’ve received your e-mails and voice mails and that they are just mocking you by not answering you back.  You know you don’t want to work for them because if this is how they treat potential employees, how do they treat their current staff.  You try and justify the lack of calls – maybe there was a conference, maybe they were having a week long training exercise, maybe there was a biohazard leak at the processing plant and one of the line workers mutated into a plant-monster terrorizing a small down and they needed to sythesize a cure before the military could turn it into a bio-weapon.

I have a lot of time for my brain to spin in directions.

So no – did not get the job. =/

Depression during unemployment

Now that I am real close to hitting my 90 days at the new job, this is topical…

I was unemployed for about 9 months.  During this time my perceived self-worth plummeted to the worst I’ve ever seen.  I think this is because it happened a few years after my last unemployed stint (less than 2 years earlier) and I was uneasy about things.

I was at a point where I just didn’t care anymore.  I had tapped out my savings and my retirement fund(s) and was looking at the potential of losing my home to foreclosure.  I went to a few “job fairs” but they proved fruitless and the government officials I contacted gave me canned responses such as “…we in Washington feel your pain.”

My responses to resumes/interviews were non existence and I felt as though I was left out by myself.  I was truly alone and no one could help me.

Where I used to enjoy hitting the Toledo MetroPark system to get away from it – that didn’t work anymore.

There were many days that I thought about just getting in the Jeep and driving…and driving away.

But that all turned around on my birthday…

Digging Myself Out…

I’ve been back to work for about 6 weeks now.  And while I am making about $200 more a week than when I was on unemployment, my expenses adjusted and I’m just about breaking even.

I’m fearful about digging myself back out.  I don’t have as much spending money as I would like (who does?) and I have been used to feeling as though I am behind the 8-ball all the time.  I read an article that said it takes about 18 months to get back where you were after a job loss.  All said and done, am I trying to recoup where I was in 2007?

I should have my student loans paid off by the end of the year (yeah!) and my credit cards should be zeroed out by this time next year (if not sooner) except for my gas card which I use every week for Speedway. (but that’s paid off every month).  No television cable bill, just utilities and housing.  I can’t remember the last time I went to the grocery store for something other than beer (I should address that…) so my grocery bill is low.

I need to figure this out.

Gaining Confidence

I’ve only been back to work a few days, but I already feel better about myself.

I have a renewed confidence and am looking forward to things.  I have a much more positive attitude toward my future.

Honestly, the last few weeks have been pretty tough – and I was very scared for my future.  While I was still collecting unemployment benefits, I was slowing dying inside.  Although I am not out of the woods left – and the next few weeks are going to be critical to getting back into the groove of things and that “back to work” mentality – I know things are going to get better.

Start of a new month…new possibilities.

It’s the start of a new month.

What will this month bring to me?  A new career?  More depression?  Something to look forward to?  The possibilities are endless.

I finally collected all the paperwork and submitted it to ESOP.  They are going to help me work with my mortgage providers to readjust my mortgage.  I am told that it may take 3-4 weeks to find a solution.  I’m not missing any payments yet – but it is becoming an issue with unemployment.  If I am unable to reach an agreement with my mortgage companies, there is a possibility of losing my home.  While I know I will be welcomed back to my parent’s home…I would rather not feel as though I failed.

I had a good networking meeting last week.  I think I made a few connections and am hoping to hear something about some possible consulting work.

I applied for a few more government positions this morning.  The regular jobs were sparse and a lot of reposted jobs from the last few weeks.  And to no one’s surprise, I haven’t heard back from any applications.

Even though I spent the weekend back in Cleveland, surrounded by family – I still feel as though I am in this alone.  I took time to think where “home” was – and I am still looking for it.

I’m looking at a birthday this week.  I anticipate spending it solo, once again…

Feeling Forgotten.

It’s been a down week.

Watching the local media – I get the feeling as those that are unemployed have been forgotten.  In months past the economy and unemployment were top stories of the day – now, they may get mentioned after the weather or sports.

I went to a class/meeting yesterday for unemployed people and their options.  While I went there to collect information to see if there was any opportunities I was missing, but to also meet other unemployed people to share stories.  I was the only one to show up.

Unemployment figures are right around 10%, so I know there are a lot more people like me out there.  I’m in the 450 resumes/applications out and not getting responses.  Not even e-mail “no thank you” letters.  That’s just disturbing – companies are posting the jobs, collecting applications and then reposting the jobs a week later.

It has been one month since I attended the Project Hire 2010 Job Fair at the Lucas County Arena.  I haven’t heard a single response from the participants.  I posted a reply on a message board “…I guess no one wants to hire a college graduate with experience in Toledo…”.

I’d like to move on, but this feels like a monkey on my shoulders.

The job hunt continues.

It was a beautiful day outside, but I needed to keep working on my search for work.  I applied for six positions today.  There is a lot of repeats and overlaps this week.

Every day this is what I look at:

www.usajobs.gov (federal jobs)
www.indeed.com (aggregates job postings from multiple sources and is used by Ohio Means as well as Careerbuilder and Monster)
careers.ohio.gov (state of Ohio jobs)
www.co.lucas.oh.us (county jobs)
http://www.ci.toledo.oh.us (city of Toledo jobs)

I also check out local companies in the Toledo area:

The Andersons
Compuware
Cooper Tire & Rubber
Dana Holding Co.
First Solar, Inc.
Goodyear Tire and Rubber
JM Smucker Co.
Kellogg Company
La-Z-Boy Inc.
Libbey Inc.
Owens-Corning, Inc.
Owens-Illinois, Inc.
Tecumseh Products
Whirlpool Corporation
among others.

I’m on the plus side of 450 resumes/applications out and continue to look.  I’ve rewritten my resume a few times and continue the search.  I know something will come up in the end, but it is getting very frustrating.

Still not feeling the love Toledo.  Help a citizen out!

Feeling “Safe”.

I can honestly say that I haven’t felt “safe” since the summer of 2007.

It has nothing to do with living where I am in Toledo.  The part of the city I live in has seen its share of troubles, but nothing spikes and there aren’t any pressing issues.  It’s not a neighborhood where I would leave my front door open at night, but I don’t need a weapon under my pillow when I sleep.

The summer of 2007 is the last time I felt secure.  By the end of the season, I had lost my job, filed for my first occurrence of unemployment benefits and only found a job six months later 200 miles away.

Since then I have always been fearful – even when there were good times, I had that small part of my brain that thought about the what ifs, what thens, and what will I do.

I worked at the job in Cleveland for almost 2 years.  I left my house Monday morning at 4 a.m. to get to work by 7 a.m. (always planned for road conditions) and stayed with family during the week.  Friday nights, I would drive back to Toledo and spend the weekend in my “home”.

Well, towards the end of last year – I lost my job.  We were a government contractor and lost our renewal.  I again entered the exciting world of unemployment benefits.  While I have seen some people loving the possibility of a “paid vacation”, I started to worry.  I knew the job market from two years prior and lay awake at night trying to work out a plan.  The initial benefits ran out with nothing to show for it.

I am currently on my 1st extension of benefits.  I still have 12 weeks of benefits in this round.  I am on my 2nd notebook filled with notes and addresses tracking my over 400 resumes out to every position I think would hire me.

I am still scared – scared of losing my home if/when the funds run out.  Scared of staying here.  I have some real good friends here – and I don’t want to lose them.  I’m talking with some organizations about making changes to my mortgage to help with that, but if things happen and I end up back in Cleveland, that’s no longer “home” either.

I’m just not feeling like I belong anywhere anymore.

Quitting the Farmville.

I’m leaving Farmville as soon as I can.

I say “as soon as I can” because they are having server problems lately and I cannot harvest my crops.  There is a co-op going right now and I feel obligated to finish something that I started.  But as soon as I finish that round of crops, I’m selling off everything and moving away.

It is no longer fun.

I started about a year ago, moved my farm up to LEVEL 66, and purchased many buildings, pets, etc.  I participated in some co-ops and helped out my neighbors when they needed it for their chicken coops, dog biscuits, and botanical gardens.

It has been getting harder and harder to have fun with the game.  The load times were getting longer and the small animations were bothering me.  Every few days there was another “neighborhood” task to get your neighbors to gift you eggs, gold, or pieces to a greenhouse.

After this morning’s server outage (on the heels of an added feature) that binds everything up, I’m done.

Without purpose.

I’ve been having some negative thoughts lately – so I’m writing them down to get them out of my head.

I know work doesn’t classify you as a person, it is a means to an end – not the end.  You’re supposed to work to live, not live to work.

But lately, without work – I feel as though I don’t have a purpose.  I’m just surviving.  Funds are running thin and I really can’t do things I would like to do.  At least when I had a job, I could identify myself as something, whether it was “Retail Manager”, “Construction Worker” or “Project Superintendent” – it was something.  What am I now?

Finding a job in Toledo has proven to be a chore.  I can honestly admit that I have tried my best.  I regret buying a house here.  I can honestly say that I haven’t felt “secure” or “safe” since the Summer of 2007.  It’s been terrifying since then and I don’t know what to do or whom to turn to for help.

I hate days like this.

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